LISB

Dear reader,

So I have started to submit articles to Living Is So Big (LISB). Here are the last two articles I have written:

November 27th - Healing Process

"On May 11, 2012, I climbed upon the stairs upstairs to his room to try to bring him down to come hang out with us. But he didn't want to go. I knew something was wrong, but he didn't want to talk about it. I said I would see him later. And off I went for the night with some friends to go to the canyon.

The next day on May 12, 2012 I received a call at 8 AM that morning and letting me know he committed suicide. My world was shattered and I didn't know how to put it back together. I broke down and cried. I let my roommate hold me in her arms as she tried to comfort in the unspeakable pain I was feeling. Tears ran down my face as I've never felt them before.

I was shocked, hurt, and mad. Most of all, I instantly missed him.

I never experienced someone close to me committing suicide - I didn't even know anyone who had suffered with such depression before. Or maybe I never realized the reality of it. I didn't know how to deal with the pain I was feeling. I didn't know how to express myself. I started to separate myself from some of my friends and I cried a lot. It hurt so much to cry - I literally felt pain in my body as I cried...

The six month mark since it happened was November 12th. It was a weird day. I walked past his house that day expecting him to come out to say hi and give him a hug. But that didn't happen. 

He was a best friend to me. If I was having a bad night, he was the person I would call and he would be there. He was the nicest guy I have ever met - he was willing to do anything for anyone. He knew how to joke and make people laugh. He knew how to make you feel beautiful. He was a wonderful, wonderful person. 

The entire exper

ience of losing him taught me a lot about life, the people I hold close to me, and the way I appreciate life. Losing him was a shock - something I never expected I would experience in my life. But I have learned and continue to do so. As I continue to write articles about my experiences with losing a friend to suicide and healing - I will share my feelings, my fears, my faith, my new appreciation for life, and my continual process of healing."

December 17th - Friendships

"Every day I miss him, every day I hurt. I remember him always; I think of those memories every day of my life. The times we stayed up till the morning hours, our endless car rides, talks about the girls he liked and the boy I like, about our future plans for the summer such as skydiving, and all the times we spent laughing with our friends. 

Those first few days after everything happened, my friends were my strength. They were the ones that held me up when I couldn't seem to hold it together, we were all in it together. We talked, we cried, we hugged. There is a common bond I have with those few people that will hold us together forever.

Our friend was a brother, a confidant, a comedian, a best friend, and a crush to one. We all lost a part of us that day. It changed us forever, a moment we will always a part of. 

I learned a lot about those friendships - that they are more like family. When I cried, they held me. When I laughed, they laughed with me. We were truly there for each other and we made it through those precious first months with each other. I learned what the term 'best friend' really meant, because that is what they are to me. 

I stress the power of friendship. I stress the reality that is needed in our everyday life. A friend is someone we can learn from, we can laugh together, we can do silly things, we can have heart-to-heart talks, we can have faith & hope together, we can make memories, and cherish life together. 

If we can break down walls and high barriers, friendships can be made, lives can be changed, and miracles can break through. I broke down my barriers and I allowed people into my life that have changed it forever and I will always be grateful for that every day of my life."

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Those are my words and my experiences. I am sharing my story so that maybe one day it will help someone else. 

Love, 

Megan