Last Thursday

Dear readers,

Last Thursday I walked through the snowy day to the Northwest building where our support group was meeting. I was nervous, but yet excited for what the meeting was going to hold for me. I felt it was going to be something very good for me - something I needed.

I was the first person there besides the ladies that were hosting it. I said hi, introduced myself. Immediately I felt included, it was as if I was welcomed into an extended family.

As I sat there I wondered what was going to happen and what I would say when it came time to introduce myself and the reasons I was there. Then one by one the people started to come - some came by their-selves and others came with a friend or family members. This mother and her family sat by me.

As they started the meeting, the conductor said we would go around the room and share our story. We would pass around a smooth piece of rounded wood when it was our turn to speak. One by one each person decided to share their story and their experiences. I was relieved almost - their experiences were close to mine. Someone I could relate to and talk with - they knew how I was feeling. Their struggles were my struggles; their heartaches were my heartaches. Different things that I had been processing the last few months, things I felt I had been so weird to be dealing with - I realized I wasn't alone. We were in this together.

Then came my turn to speak. I started to shake and I started rubbing the piece of wood. I looked at the piece of wood a lot, but I shared my story. I told them of my friend that had committed suicide and I said, "Suicide was not a reality in my life." I told them of the story of him, how I met him, the influence he was in my life, and the friend he truly was to me. I couldn't speak clearly and my emotions were high. For the first time though, I spoke with other people that had lost loved ones to suicide - siblings, children, spouses, friends. I felt they were listening to me, understanding me, and accepting for me and my heartache. They knew how I felt; they knew my struggles; they knew what I had been dealing with for so many months. I wasn't alone. The mother I sat by comforted me and rubbed my back. It was hard to talk, but I felt so wonderful to be there with people I knew who cared and who could strengthen me.

At the end of the meeting, we all felt closer. I felt as if my family had grown. It was a sad moment, but yet I felt peaceful. I was able to speak with others, reach out to others, and we each comforted each other.

At the end of the meeting, we all got into a circle and hugged each other around the candle in the middle of the room. We may be weak alone, but together we are strengthened.

Love,
Megan