Days like this.

Dear readers,

Today is not a good day.

I don't have many of these days. I am usually laughing and planning my next adventure. But today I just hold onto memories and cry. 

Nathan was going to be my friend, no matter what path I took in my life - we were going to be friends. It was fate. 

We had too many people and places in common; God was just waiting for the perfect time and place for us to officially meet. 

It was a cold January Monday one year ago and the electricity in my apartment went out. I didn't have too many friends in my apartment building, but I knew Shane. So I walked over to the wheel house, named that because it had a big wheel on the front of it. So I knocked on Shane's front and this boy opened up. My first thought was that he looked so young. Through out the night I had to go back and forth from Shane's house. Me and that young boy became friends through out the night with me trying to get the lights back on in my apartment. Between talking to the electricity company and going back to my apartment, me and the boy started talking about his video games and Texas. He became my friend. The lights finally came on in my apartment and me and the boy went to the movies! We had an instant friendship and I learned the boy was my age. 

And that is how me and Nathan became friends. 

It was one of the coolest friendships I've ever had. Nathan was always on my side; he supported everything I wanted to do in my life. He always said I looked beautiful when I needed to hear it and he was there to hear me complain about my boy issues. I pushed him out of his comfort zone, like going 80's dancing or singing 'Eye of the Tiger' with me at karaoke night at our local Applebee's. He made the best banana splits, he knew what to say when you had a bad day, he was always up for an adventure, or ready to be there when you needed him - even if it was 3 in the morning. 

Today I miss Nathan, I really miss him. I miss his smile, his laugh, his blue eyes, and his voice. I think of what we would be doing, how life would be different if he was still here. 

I think of the plans we had for the summer, we were going to go sky diving. We would have maybe gone on a few road trips - driving back to our homes in Texas or maybe a trip to California this winter to enjoy the warmth of the sun. We would have watched a few more movies, maybe I could have snicked in a few chick flicks. We would have taken more drives, maybe up in the mountains to see the lights of the city. Maybe we would have danced and sang to more Taylor Swift on our drives. Talked about our dates and the loves in our life. Or we could have talked about God and share our spiritual moments to strengthen each other. We would have laughed and made more memories. If I just asked the right way, I may have gotten him up a few more times to sing karaoke with me. 

I never imagined I would lose him - not the way I lost him. Too soon, way too soon. And it breaks my heart. Today I cry, think of the memories, and smile for he was there and he brought me happiness. That is what I gotta focus on when days come around like this. I focus on the times he made me smile and the times we laughed until the early morning hours. 

Love, 

Megan