Viewing Yourself
Dear readers,
The way I see myself matters. It matters because it has influenced, and continues to influence my life. and the choices I make. It matters because it either brings me closer to God or creates an even greater distance from Him. For several years now, I have fought against accepting any of my imperfections and shortcomings. As hard as I have tried, I just cannot be the perfect person I think I should be. It’s logically impossible to be perfect, but even this intellectual knowledge doesn’t stop me from emotionally believing that I have to be perfect before I am acceptable.
I discovered this article today by a group called Voices for Virtue and it really impressed my mind. "How do I view myself?" is a question I am asking myself now. Do I have myself with the eyes of my mother? Or do I view myself with the scrutiny eyes of trying to be perfect? I think I am in the middle of it all. But this article makes me take a step back and really think of what is going on in my mind and how I feel about myself. Because I am wonderful and I am beautiful. I need to realize that about myself. The more I feel better about myself the more I can help others realize their potential. I need to have that confidence in myself. I need to realize I am better than I think. That is my goal this week, well this upcoming week. I want to wake up each morning and just remember that I am great. And so are YOU! Below is the article.
Love,
Megan
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The Way I View Myself
The way I see myself matters. It matters because it has influenced, and continues to influence my life. and the choices I make. It matters because it either brings me closer to God or creates an even greater distance from Him. For several years now, I have fought against accepting any of my imperfections and shortcomings. As hard as I have tried, I just cannot be the perfect person I think I should be. It’s logically impossible to be perfect, but even this intellectual knowledge doesn’t stop me from emotionally believing that I have to be perfect before I am acceptable.
In the moments when I’m consumed with feelings of being nothing more than a complete disappointment or an unforgivable sinner, I push God away. I stop viewing Him as an unconditionally loving father who loves me perfectly regardless. I also stop viewing myself with accepting and forgiving eyes. Because of the way I think God must view me, or because the way I view myself is too painful, I survive by cutting myself off from these emotions. I choose numbness, or apathy, over pain and hurt. The numbness is my protector–protecting me from the profoundly deep hurt that comes when the view of myself, especially what I think God’s view of me must be, is so utterly horrible.
A truth I am more fully recognizing is that even if the numbness is a ‘protector,’ it is also a villain, shielding me not only from the pain and hurt but also from love, joy and acceptance (especially that of self-acceptance). So I have made a choice. The choice of choosing to view myself differently. Yes, I am a sinner and I have made serious mistakes but rather than seeing this as my “scarlet letter” and flogging myself for the rest of my life, I am choosing to view myself with accepting and forgiving eyes. As I have begun doing this, I have noticed that the numbness is slowly being replaced with feelings of hope. Although I have a difficult road ahead, I know – both intellectually and emotionally — that I have a choice. I can continue to view myself negatively, and project that on God’s view of me. Or, I can continue to change the way I view myself, thus revealing the truth about God’s view and ultimately leading to acceptance inspite of hurt, pain, joy or whatever it may be. There is hope, and I found it in the way I choose to view myself.
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